This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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