I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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