I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
