hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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