I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
