census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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