I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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