I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
