Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
