I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
