Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
