i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
