so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
