It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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