you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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