terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
