I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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