Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
