I think I won the penis lottery.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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