My nipple is on Facebook.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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