Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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