Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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