I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You should frame my arrest warrant.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
