He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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