An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
