Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
