I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
