the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
