Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
