why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
