I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I need water and some morals
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
