I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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