Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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