Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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