Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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