K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
