what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
