just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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