last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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