in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize