Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
