Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
