I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
