I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
