Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my liver is dry heaving
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