I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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