lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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