Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
