sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize