Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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