the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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