I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
