Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
