I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
