I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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