my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
