worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
