listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
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Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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