Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize