naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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