I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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