If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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