Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
