The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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